Prisoner of My Own Mind
by Orlissa
Summary: Azula's first year after Sozin's Comet - with all its hardships and pain, as she is helped along the way to recovery, even though her destination is unsure. Contains minor Zutara.
1. Part I

**Prisoner of My Own Mind**

**Finally, after seven weeks of work, it story is ready to be published :) Well, at least the half of it. I wrote it in Hungarian first, which was about 8700 words, but when I started translating it to English, it turned out that the English version would be around 12K words – what I think is a little bit too much for reading at once. So I broke it into half – the second half will about as long as this is, only having less scenes (and will have more Zutara, but not that much)**

**I stole Doctor Xia's name from a real person – he was born in the late nineteenth century and died in 1952. He was an actual doctor and practiced traditional Chinese medicine. he's mentioned in Jung Chang's autobiographical novel _Wild Swans_, as he was the author's step grandfather. For the name Feng Yi Yuan some online vocabulary should be held responsible: "feng" means crazy and "yi yuan" means hospital (if I remember well). I bet everybody speaking Chinese is hiding their faces in their hands right now and shaking their heads :D**

**Also, I proofread the story, so I hope that it lacks mistakes, but I can't promise anything.**

**Well, read and enjoy! :)**

**Word count: 6048**

**Rating: T**

**Disclaimer: [Insert funny text here telling you that I don't own Avatar: the Last Airbender]**

_Highly respected Fire Lord Zuko,_

_ It is great honor for us that you have chosen our institute for you sister's treatment. As the head of the Feng Yi Yuan Institute, I would like to ensure your Majesty that your sister will only benefit the best care among our walls and that I, alongside with my colleagues, will do everything in our power to help the princess along the path of recovery. We most sincerely hope that her mind will completely clear up with time, and she soon will heal completely, and will be able to leave us. _

_Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant_

_Doctor Xia_

_100 After Sozin's Comet, fifth day of the ninth month_

Prison. That damn bastard had gotten her into prison.

Azula paced in her cell anxiously. She didn't remember when she got there – truthfully, everything that happened after the Agni Kai was a little bit foggy. And Zuko had cheated! She had knocked him flat out, he had been lying on the ground, writhing in agony, the duel had been over, she had won, she had been the Fire Lord, then that dirty peasant just had had to intervene… but then she had overpowered her as well. She had roasted her like a komodo chicken.

But then how had she gotten here?

Somebody had betrayed her! Somebody surely had. Li and Lo, they had been the ones, she was sure. That two double-tongued, disingenuous harpies! She should have banished them as well. But she had, hadn't she?

Five steps ahead, wall. But how had she gotten here? Who was foolish enough to throw the Fire Lord into prison? She was going to execute all.

She turned around. Five steps ahead and her knees bumped into the bed.

Her room was completely bare, no decorations, no small objects, nothing she could have used as a weapon. Only a bed and a trunk, both too big to find a good enough grip on it. Not that she would have needed them in a fight – she was the world's greatest firebending master. No. Nobody was better than her father. He was the greatest, with the whole world bowing to his feet, and he was going to stick the head of the Avatar to the gates of the palace.

If he hadn't done that already.

This helped her to calm down a little. Ozai was going to get her out of there. In a few days he would be back from Ba Sing Se, victoriously, and then he would get his daughter out of this prison. And then they will rule this world together.

Azula sat down on the bed with a maniacal grin appearing on her face. Yes, they are going to be the lords of this world! And nobody can anything about it – not Zuko, not uncle Iroh, neither her mother!

Her mother? Why would she think about her mother? Ursa had left her. Ursa was dead. Ursa had visited her.

She buried her face in her hands - it made no sense!

Suddenly her hands felt strangely heavy, like they were chained. Her gaze flicked to her wrists. No, there were no handcuffs there – only reminders of handcuffs. Big, dark bruises all over her wrists, somewhere even the skin was missing and her hands were smudged with dried blood. So she really had been chained up. But by who?

That peasant!

She remembered now – it was that peasant coming with Zuko who had interfered with their fight, who had defeated her, who had chained her up, who had humiliated her, who had made Zuko make a mistake during the duel, who had caused Zuko to fall to the ground, who had run to Zuko franticly, in panic, who…

Somebody yelled. It took her a few moments to realize it was her.

So she had been defeated after all.

She started sobbing. She hadn't cried since she was a child. Crying meant weakness. Emotions meant weakness.

She heard a soft creaking noise from the other end of the room – somebody was trying to open the door.

A traitor!

She didn't think, just acted. A moment later a jet of blue flame lashed out to the door, shutting it, leaving black scorch marks on it. Azula heard somebody fall backwards behind it and groan painfully as he hit the floor.

A pleased half-smirk appeared on her face. She won. She defeated another traitor.

Then suddenly she remembered everything.

She buried her face in her hands and started sobbing again.

_Highly respected Fire Lord Zuko, _

_ I deeply regret that I can not report about any improvement in your sister's condition. In the last month, Princess Azula was disoriented, completely unmanageable and she has also en bexhibiting aggressive behavioral habits – she has attacked several of our nurses, but, thank Agni, none of them was wounded severely. _

_ Princess Azula is not coherent, can not comprehend the very situation she is in, and is haunted by hallucinations. The sedatives, given her with her food, call forth very little, if any at all, effects. Because of the reasons listed above, I have been unable to start her actual therapy yet. I also don't support the idea of the Princess receiving visitors in her current tender condition. _

_Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant_

_Doctor Xia_

_100 After Sozin's Comet, eighth day of the tenth month_

Azula was angry. No, Azula was furious.

One just can't rely on these filthy servants! No matter how she called them forth, how she rang for them, how she yelled, threatened them, they wouldn't come. But she needed them!

First things first, she had to take a bath – her council members were going to be there soon, and her servants just can't expect her to greet them all dirty and reeking with sweat. And they just can't expect her to prepare her own bath! What kind of monarch would do that?

Azula buried her finger in her hair – yes, she would need somebody to do her hair as well, because the thing what currently occupied her head was a disaster. All tangles and knots and grease. Agni, when had she washed – had had somebody wash – her hair the last time? It was surely even before her coronation. Se hadn't had time for such petty things ever since.

After all, she had a country to rule.

Of course, she could have asked her mother to help – she was sure Ursa would be glad to help. She loved her daughter and had always supported her. She surely was out by the pond now, feeding the turtleducks. It was a habit, or more like a hobby, of hers, which she did daily. Azula was sure that Zuko was with her, too, like almost always. But that was okay – Zuzu was still a child, he had no business with adult affairs, with ruling a country.

A ghost of smile appeared on Azula's face. Naïve little Zuzu! He was a sweet child, even if he was a little bit annoying from time to time, and even though he had no chance to become as great as his elder sister. But even then he was Zuko, Prince of the Fire Nation, her little brother, who would never sit on the throne, but that was alright. Everything was okay as long as he was small and weak, as long as his existence wasn't threatening anybody. Azula was even a little bit afraid that one day he would grow up, step away from their mother's skirts, go to war, and then he wouldn't be her little brother anymore.

Of course, by then there wouldn't be a war going on, because by then she and her father would destroy all the resistance in their way.

Ozai still hadn't returned from Ba Sing Se. Azula wasn't worried. He was sure just preoccupied with small rebel groups, or he was just enjoying the former capitol city of the former Earth Kingdom a little bit too much for leaving it yet.

Azula's smile widened.

The former Earth Kingdom – it didn't exist anymore. Now, it was only the Fire Nation – no, the Fire Empire. A great empire with an even greater ruler, whose right hand was she, Fire Lord Azula. She was happy for having been given such an important task and that she was able to help her father.

But where was the council? Of course, she had been expecting a handful of monks from the Eastern Air Temple yesterday, and they hadn't come either. Azula noted this – and she was going to make sure that those insolent airbenders got their rightful punishment for their antics.

But the council would sure gather – that was their job. The head of the council had even visited her yesterday, ensuring her that they would be there today.

Azula walked over to the council room and sat on her pedestal behind the flames (she had completely forgotten about the bath and the servants). She sat cross-legged, her back straight, her helmet showing her shoulders wider than they were. She was ready for the council meeting to start.

But the council didn't gather.

_Highly respected Fire Lord Zuko, _

_ There is still no remarkable improvement in your sister's mental health, her hallucinations are still present. However, she seems much less aggressive now than during the previous weeks, and even her hallucinations have changed in nature: she seems to be convinced that she is the Fire Lord herself, residing in the Royal Palace. The hallucinations include your mother, and you, my lord, as the princess' younger, underage brother. In mind, she forges her surroundings to match these hallucinations. During my last visit, she thought I was the recently entrained Minister Chen, who, if I am not mistaken, was the great advisor of your Majesty's father. _

_ I still hold my statement that Princess Azula should not be visited yet, since I am afraid that it would only confuse her further._

_Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant_

_Doctor Xia_

_100 After Sozin's Comet, fourteenth day of the eleventh month_

Azula lay on her bed curled up into a tight ball, and cried.

Mommy had gone missing days before.

Daddy had no time to care for her – maybe he didn't even want to care for her. He was way too busy sitting on his throne. On his throne, which he had stolen from Uncle Iroh.

Because Lu Ten was dead.

And so was Zuzu.

Daddy had killed him.

Azula sobbed even harder.

She had never wanted Zuzu to die! True, she had often wished she was an only child. If only her mother would have more time for her, if only she would be just as gentle with her as she was with Zuzu, if only she would sit with her by the turtleduck pond, like she did with Zuzu, would teach her how to call the little creatures to her…

Azula wanted it all, but to be honest, it had always been her who had never had time for snuggling with her mother. For Azula, there had always been something to study, something to practice. Her father didn't accept anything worse than perfect. No, her father had always accepted perfection only. Azula had always had to be perfect. The best.

Ozai had always accepted only the best.

It was impossible to be good enough for Ozai.

Azula had to be good enough for Ozai.

So Azula did the impossible.

She wished she could go back in time, and do everything differently. For the first time in her life, she wished she wasn't a prodigy. She wished she was just a normal kid, so she could invite her friends over more often, and they could play in the gardens, and she could snuggle to her mother's side by the turtleduck pond, and she could learn music, like Zuzu did, and she could play with Zuzu…

Zuzu was dead.

Daddy had killed him.

Azula tightened her arms around herself.

If only Zuzu was there with her, so she could tell him how sorry she was!

She was sorry she was cheeky and teased him, made him jump into the fountain, took away his dagger, called him names, lied, didn't love him enough… She wished she could go back in time, to start everything over and be a good sibling.

But she couldn't do it.

Daddy would never let her.

Her sobbing got louder and louder.

"Zuzu…"

If she had been a better sister, Zuzu would have stood by her side. If she hadn't been so preoccupied by firebending and by the pressure to be good enough for daddy, they might had been good siblings. Then Zuzu would have protected her from the other kids, they would have played together, and she might have even kissed his forehead, even though Zuzu said it was gross, but Azula had always enjoyed when mommy kissed her, and then, maybe, the three of them would have sat by the turtleduck pond together…

"Zuzu, where are you?" She sniffled. "I'm so sorry…"

_Highly respected Fire Lord Zuko,_

_ I know that until now I stood by my idea that Princess Azula should not be visited by neither your Majesty, your Majesty's uncle nor any of the princess' friends, but now I am asking you, my lord, to come and see your sister as soon as possible. During the last two weeks, Princess Azula was even more confused than before. She is constantly looking for your Majesty, calling you, even though at the same time she seems to be convinced that my lord is dead. Speaking to herself she is begging for your forgiveness, and, by some reason unknown to me, she seems to be blaming your father for everything. _

_ I did not informed your Majesty of this before – I am humbly asking for your forgiveness for the delay – because I was hoping that it was only a passing phase, but, sadly, we are unable to achieve any kind of improvement in your sister's state. Right now your Majesty is our only hope. _

_ I am asking you, that as soon as my lord's thigh schedule permits, visit our institute._

_Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant_

_Doctor Xia_

_100 After Sozin's Comet, seventeenth day of the twelfth month_

Azula was sitting slouched in the corner of the room when the door opened. She was terribly tired – she hadn't slept in days, maybe weeks, for she was haunted by nightmares -, but she just had to know who her visitor was. She lifted her gaze, but only so that she could get a glimpse of the trimming of the slowly approaching, deep red robe.

She could recall only one person, who – always – wore a robe like this.

Her father had come to her.

She wanted to leap from her seat on the ground to hug his waist, like she had never done before – she could had never done before – but she had been sitting on the cold floor for hours, her muscles had completely gone numb, and wouldn't cooperate with her. When she moved and was about to leap, it was an invisible force had nailed her feet to the ground, and she fell, falling face-first to the ground.

Before she could have comprehended what a shame she had brought on herself – she had shown weakness – her father was already there, kneeling beside her, gently caught her under her arms and helped her stand. He had never done that before. He had always insisted that Azula corrected her own mistakes, that she always stood up herself. He didn't let go of her elbow even when she was standing straight. True, he might as well saw that Azula could barely stand on her own. He led her to the bed, sat her down, then took place next to her. Azula drew her legs up instantly and lay down, resting her head on her father's lap. She felt her father freeze for a moment – maybe she shouldn't have done this? -, then after a heartbeat, he put his hand on the girl's head and started stroking her hair.

A soft sob tore up from Azula's throat – she couldn't even remember the last time when she had received so much kindness. Surely not since her mother had been gone.

"I am so, so happy that you've come, dad. I missed you so much." The hand stroking her had stilled for a moment. Her father didn't say a word. She snuggled even closer to him. "Have I been naughty, dad? That's why you didn't come before? But now you'll take me with you, right, dad?" Silence. "Where are mum and Zuzu? They haven't visited me in a while. Mum still comes, though, sometimes." She shrugged. "Sometimes she even combs my hair." She sighed. "I remember, when I was little, mum would brush my hair every night." She closed her eyes and furrowed her brows, like she had problems with recalling this memory. "And then she would braid it. And some nights you were there, too, standing in the doorway, watching us. But not always." She tried to turn, so she could see the man's face, but from her twisted place on his lap she could only get a glimpse of his chin. "Why didn't you spend more time with us, dad?"

The question was honest and child-like. He didn't know what to say; his throat tightened.

Then the door opened again – only a little, making only a small slit between the wall and the door, quietly, almost without a sound. Azula closed her eyes again. He was afraid that they had come to take away her father, and some part of her hoped that if she didn't see the intruder, he would disappear. But it didn't happen.

She felt her father's hand leave her head and she also felt him make a little movement with his hand – maybe he gestured to go away? Or told him to come closer?

The door opened wider, and now Azula could even hear the soft footsteps.

"Zuko?" She heard a woman say it gently, quietly, unsure, like she was afraid to talk.

Azula opened her eyes and turned to the woman. One glimpse at her blue dress was enough to fill her mind with memories – with nightmares.

Blood-red sky. Red and blue flames. Lightening bolts, without thunder. Fight. Water. No air. Chains on her wrists, pulling her down to the ground. Anger and pain. Hopelessness. And a young woman – or a girl, rather? She couldn't have been older than Azula… - in blue, who made the water dance.

She was responsible for Azula being there. She had hurt her. And now she'd come to hurt her father.

Her body suddenly forget the fatigue tormenting her, her limbs were filled with life, and there was power, power like a lightening bolt, in her blood, which she hadn't felt in a long time. Before her father could have held her down she leaped, going for the woman in blue.

There were sparks on her fingertips – she hadn't touched her flame in months, yet it came to her first call faithfully. In less than a second there was a ball of flame in her hands, as big as a watermelon, which she was about to launch to the woman. She wouldn't hurt her, or her father, or anybody else. Azula would make sure of that. She was already lifting her hands, ready to let go of the fireball…

Somebody caught her from behind – he grabbed her elbows, holding her arms down, holding them in a strong grip, so she couldn't move. Her ball of flame had already started its journey, but its way was disturbed by the sudden movement, so it found the stone wall in the woman's stead, leaving only smoke behind. But the force of the impact had reached the woman anyway, throwing her backwards, slamming her to the wall. She collapsed at the foot of the wall.

Somebody shouted – she couldn't make out what. Somebody screamed – it took her a few moments to realize that she was hearing her own voice.

Everything happened in a blink of an eye – it started, then hush, it was over. Two men in red robes hurried into the room, and took her away from the one holing her back. It was her father. One of them took her hands in his iron grip; the other pressed a piece of cloth, dripping some kind of smelly liquid, to her mouth. Her knees buckled, but nobody held her up.

She saw as her father stepped to the woman in blue, already sitting on the floor – the torchlight flickering on his crown -, knelt beside her, worry on his face, took her hand in one hand, holding her face in his other and the tension only left his body when the woman reassured him in a gentle voice that she was alright. Then he embraced her and helped her stand.

That was when Azula got a glimpse of the angry red scar disfiguring his face.

Then everything went black.

_Highly respected Fire Lord Zuko, _

_ I am afraid I have no good news to tell. I had hoped that my lord's visit would help to improve your sister's state of mind – unfortunately its opposite happened._

_ Ever since your Majesty's visit last month, Princess Azula has been showing aggression like never before. Until now, thank Agni, her firebending had been slumbering, and after the hardships of the beginning of her treatment, she felt no urge to practice or touch her inner flame in any other way, so it had never caused problems during her treatment, and so we had not needed to make any safety precautions. But in the last few weeks, Princess Azula – please, pardon me my bluntness – has been raging. Fires starting in her room have become a daily occurrence, since in lack of proper concentration she can't keep her flame tamed, and because of it, the fire often goes wild. Last week she nearly killed herself – she set her room on fire, but we don't know yet if it happened accidentally, or she did it on purpose. Our nurses helped her out of the room only moments before it could have caused severe injuries. In the end we managed to put the fire out, the princess came out of the incident without any remarkable injury, and we have given her a new room._

_ Her attacks against employees of the institute have also become daily occurrences. She has seriously hurt one of our nurses._

_ Princess Azula's mind is not clear enough so we could reason with her. Given her state, the continuation of her therapy is pointless right now, but at the same time we can't keep giving her soothing potions immoderately, since in a long run it could harm the princess' health._

_ I don't ask something like this from your Majesty willingly, but I am afraid that this is the only solution for this situation. In her current state the princess poses a treat both to herself and the people around her. So, if I may, I'd like to advise that we ask help from my lord's great friend, Avatar Aang, asking him to take away Princess Azula's firebending abilities._

_ I am begging for your forgiveness in case if I offended you with my proposition. Since I am not a bender myself, I know, I can have no idea what it is like to be one, nor can I comprehend what it would be like for a bender to loose their abilities. _

_Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant_

_Doctor Xia_

_101 After Sozin's Comet, twenty-first day of the first month_

In her new room every piece of furniture was made of metal – though the metal melted if she hated it enough, it didn't burn. There were no candles or torches in the room, the only thing providing some light was the sun, which shone through a small window up high on the wall opposite the door. It was too high for her too see anything other than the angry, gray skies – but at least this way she knew that the rainy season had started. She often heard the crackling of the raindrops, too. During the nights, complete darkness ruled the room.

She lit a small flame in her hand – at first it almost vanished completely, then it suddenly erupted, like a volcano, growing into a nine-foot column of fire. Then it disappeared, leaving only darkness behind.

Recently she had been unable to control her fire – it constantly wavered, once being too powerful, then going so weak that it went out. She couldn't create a lightening, either – she had tried. It hadn't worked.

She longed for her flame so much, just to feel its warmth, to know it next to her, but she couldn't keep it lit for long, and there wasn't even anything in the room she could lit, so the fire would last longer. There were thing in her previous room she was been able to use but when she set them on fire, and she was finally happy, finally feeling herself at home, those men came in, dragged her out of the room, and wouldn't let her back anymore.

A single tear escaped her eye, and rolled down on her cheek.

She lit the small flame on her palm again – this time, it was more or less steady, it didn't vanish, nor did it become a column of fire. Azula was glad for this. She only wanted warmth, so she could feel herself closer to her home.

"Mummy, do you see what I can do?" She mumbled to herself. Even though she couldn't see her mother at the moment, she knew she was there. "I can do it just like Zuzu. Are you proud of me?"

Then she heard the key turn in the lock – she knew somebody was about to enter her room. She didn't panic – several people came to her room everyday. But at the same time her instincts told her to protect herself.

She quickly straightened herself, standing up in a defensive stance. Li and Lo would surely have scolded her because feet weren't far enough, her balance wasn't good enough, her arms weren't up enough, her gaze wasn't focused enough.

The door opened, and a small figure stepped in.

She could only see his silhouette in the candlelight pouring into the room from the corridor. He was short, and very thin, his arms and legs way too long for his body – a teenager.

She let her arms fall to her sides. A teenager. He wouldn't hurt her.

The visitor stepped forward, so he reached the light of Azula's tiny flame which was still alive in her palm, so she could see his bald head and the blue arrow tattooed on it.

She recognized him in an instant.

He was the Avatar.

With whom she had fought several times before.

Whom she had killed in Ba Sing Se.

Who had come to haunt her, to take revenge on his death, to punish her, to take her to the Spirit World with him.

But she wouldn't let him, she vowed to herself.

With an enraged yell she went after the boy.

She wasn't even halfway when the Avatar gently flickered his wrist, calling a powerful gust of wind, what threw her to the wall behind her. With another little wave of his hand stone manacles came out of the brick wall, securing her wrists and ankles, pressing her back to the rough stones.

Her flame went out, leaving the weak, silvery shine of the moon the only light in the room. The Avatar stepped closer to her, and Azula looked into his eyes. She could see regret in his gray gaze.

"I'm sorry. Really, really sorry." He whispered, then placed one hand on her forehead, the other on her heart.

Afterwards, she could only recall moments from the next few minutes. Pictures and feelings.

The gentle touch of the Avatar. Unexpected surge of energy in her veins. Blinding light. Weakness.

Then the Avatar let her go, the manacles went back to the wall and she collapsed to the floor.

When she opened her eyes again she was already alone.

_Highly respected Fire Lord Zuko,_

_ First and foremost, please let me congratulate you on the occasion of your engagement. May Agni bless your Majesty's marriage._

_ After such joyous news I regret that I can not report about any improvement in your sister's state. Event though she bears the loss her firebending better than we expected, I am afraid that it is only the calm before storm. In the last weeks Princess Azula – I also regret to say this – has not been anything more than an empty, soulless body. She is not showing any reaction to her surroundings, doesn't talk, even the lack of her anger fills me with worry. And even though we have placed her in a new, much more comfortable room, she has not had any reaction to these changes._

_ Even after this news, I would like to ask your Majesty not to worry – your sister is in good, capable hands. The institute's every employee, as well as myself, are doing everything in our power to help Princess Azula regain her old self, and be able to leave the Fen Yi Yuan Institute as soon as possible. _

_Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant_

_Doctor Xia_

_101 After Sozin's Comet, twelfth day of the third month_

Her new room really was nice – not that it interested her in any way. It had real, big windows though, letting the brilliant sunlight into the room, even if they were covered with glass, not with clothes or paper, which was strange, but not quite unpleasant. Azula couldn't even remember seeing glass-covered windows before. Even the walls of her room weren't bare anymore – they were covered with cream-colored wallpaper, and there even were some paintings hung on them. She had a proper bed with a soft mattress, a comfortable armchair, and a desk as well.

Even amongst all that furniture, she was sitting on the floor in the farthest corner from the door, her arms circling her knees, as she swayed back and forth.

The sky was brilliant blue outside, the Sun was peaking, the rainy season had reached its end, and it should have been pleasantly warm, but she was only feeling cold.

She was freezing.

She snapped her fingers – she wanted to start a fire, just a tiny flame, to warm herself up. Nothing happened. She tried again.

Nothing.

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

She didn't realized that someone had entered the room until she spoke.

"Isn't this day just simply wonderful, princess?" Azula looked up at her. She was a young, round-faced, a little bit plump woman in a simple red dress, with a friendly smile on her face. Azula indistinctly remembered seeing her before. She was almost sure that this woman had visited her before. Maybe several times. She couldn't remember. Recently her memories were rather foggy. She couldn't even tell how long she had been there in that room.

The woman placed a vase full of brilliant, colorful flowers on her desk then she went to one of the windows and opened it. She took a step backwards, then, putting emphasis on every single movement, she took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent of the flowers and sighed contently.

"This is the most beautiful time of the year, don't you think?" She went on. Azula wasn't sure if she was talking to her, but then there was no-one else in the room expect the two of them. "Finally it isn't raining in every second moment, but the heat is not yet as unbearable as during summer. And these scents! Every flower is blooming now." She stepped to Azula, even leaned down to her, her smile not leaving her face. "Wouldn't you want to go outside? Take a little walk? The garden is simply magnificent these days. I have brought your flowers from there as well. Look!"

Azula lifted her gaze to the flowers in the vase. She knew she should have found the cavalcade of colors and shapes beautiful, yet it left her cold. Should she go out? She didn't want to. She wanted to stay inside and start a fire so she wouldn't be could anymore.

Se turned her eyes down and shook her head. The smile on the woman's face didn't even falter.

"It's alright, I understand. But don't be shy, call me anytime you want to go outside. Some fresh air would do miracles to you, believe me." With that, she gently patted Azula's shoulder. Azula cringed under her touch – she couldn't even remember when she had been touched for the last time.

The woman in red bustled about the room for several more minutes. She soothed the nonexistent wrinkles on the bedcovers; beat her pillows up a little. Then she went to the desk, and looked through all the empty parchment, looking for some writing on them – any kind of writing, from some childish scribbling to a full and mature letter. She found none – all sheets were untouched. She checked the ink as well – that hadn't run dry either. She straightened one of the pictures on the wall. She took a step backwards, fixed her gaze on it, then after a minute she put it back to its original position. Azula watched her all along, not uttering a word.

Finally the woman closed the window walked out of the room. Azula sighed relieved.

She tried to start a fire again, but this time using a different method. She put her palms against each other, slid them over, back and forth, then back again, then started to pull them apart. She could almost feel the warmth of the small fireball appearing between her palms – only, that wasn't there.

She tried again. She pressed her palms together more forcefully. Nothing. Again. She concentrated more. Nothing. Again. She prayed to Agni. Nothing. Again. She sped up her movements. Nothing, other than that her skin became red and sensitive.

Something broke within her then. No, not broke – erupted, rather. She let out a painful yell. It wasn't working! Why wasn't it working? She pulled at her hair causing the strands say farewell to her skull. Why? She pulled at her hair again, this time tearing out whole locks, which left pearls of blood behind.

She leaped up. She walked circles in the room wildly, still ripping out locks from her hair. Her way was marked by long, black hairs, and her tears mingled with drops of blood.

That was when her gaze fell on the flowers on the desk again. Or, more accurately, only on one flower. In the centre of the bouquet there was a huge, proud, reddish-orange flower. She remembered this flower.

It was a firelily.

Fire.

Fire.

Fire.

She attacked the vase with renewed force. That fell over, the flowers spilling to the floor, water pouring on her feet, and the vase itself, that expensive china, fell to the floor with a great crash, breaking into million little pieces.

She didn't expect the sharp noise, and it startled her. She turned around in her place – at first she didn't even know what the source of the sound was -, finding herself face to face with the window this way. With the window, and with the shining circle of the Sun, as well.

Face to face with Agni himself, the real Lord of Fire, with the one who had given the talent of firebending to his people, who had looked after them, who had protected them in battle…

Who had taken away her fire.

It must had been him, not else.

He was responsible for her pain.

So he had pay for it.

She reached out to seize the Sun, but her blurred mind couldn't comprehend the distance, nor that there was a plane of glass between her and the sky. Her hand met the glass with such a force that it broke instantly, her fist going through it, and while the soft, warm spring winds caressed her hand, the teeth of the glass bit into her flesh, her blood flowing like a river down her arm, finally finding rest on the floor, as Azula screamed in pain.

**To be continued**


	2. Part II

**Part II**

_Highly respected Fire Lord Zuko,_

_What I mentioned in my last letter has happened. You sister has finally realized the loss of her bending abilities, and this has actuated another wave of madness in her. She has had a raging fit, during which she hurt herself. She got her severest injury from when, we do not know yet why, she hit the glass planes of her window with her fist, causing the glass to shatter and the shards bit into the flesh of her arm. Her injuries have been tended, they will not be permanent, and we have also made the necessary precautions to prevent incidents like this ever happen again. _

_Ever since the aforementioned occurrence happened, your Majesty's sister has been relatively calm, but is still unable to get a hold on reality. I am afraid I have to say that her state has only worsened on that field. She has great problems with communication, and it seems like she even has problem with remembering who she is. Her memory is muddled, and during our sessions her memories of the last year seem chaotic, or even incomplete. But, as for good news, the princess shows complete lack of aggression. _

_But after all, I am sorry to say it, I am afraid that there is very little hope for Princess Azula to heal. In the last nearly eight months, since the princess has been in our institute, no therapy or potion caused significant or at least permanent improvement. I have already tried every single method I know, but nothing seems to be working. I would still like to continue the therapy, even though I doubt I will be able to reach any improvement. _

_In case your Majesty knows about any new, or even old, already forgotten method, which could help the princess, please – forgive me my boldness – share it with me._

_Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant_

_Doctor Xia  
>101 after Sozin's Comet, twenty-eight day of the fourth month<em>

Azula had again been given a new room. Its windows were also way too high, only allowing her to see a bit of the clear blue sky, but the wall had been covered with materials so thick and puffy that she couldn't even fell the bricks behind them. Even the floor was covered with many soft rugs. Or was it only one, enormous rug?

There was no furniture in the room, only a raised mattress, the blanket and the pillows thrown on it carelessly. Azula was sitting on it, the blanket drawn to her lap, while she was nervously kneading its corner. She had to do something with her hands. Not too long ago she would have played with her hair, but it had been cut short, so short, that she couldn't even grab it. Her nails had been filed to nothing as well.

She was scared. It had been hours, maybe days – she had problems with measuring time these days - since anybody had visited her, and she had no idea what to do, she was all alone, but at the same time she was also afraid that someone would really come. She couldn't defend herself then – the fire didn't respond to her calling anymore. Since when? She couldn't tell.

She was certain in nothing these days. Her mind was a whirlpool of pictures and colors and sounds, and she couldn't sort them out. Even when somebody did visit her, she could tell she knew them, but she rarely remembered who they really were.

Princess Azula, the proud heir to the Fire Nation's throne was nothing more now than a broken woman.

She heard muffled voices from the corridor. Azula raised her head, interested – maybe someone was coming to see her? The door creaked open, and she crawled back on the bed in fear, pressing her back to the wall, drawing her knees up.

There was a girl standing in the door, no older than Azula herself. She could distinctly remember her tanned skin and long, mocha colored hair, but she couldn't place her in her memories. The visitor wasn't looking at her, but turned her body from her, as she was talking to a man standing on the other side of the door. It seemed like she wanted to reassure the man about something, at least her arm raised in a peaceful manner made Azula think that. The man argued with her about something in hushed voices for a while, then sighed and respectfully bowed to the girl.

She stepped into the room closing the door behind her and then turned to Azula. She had shining blue eyes and there was a gentle smile playing on her lips. Her instincts told Azula that she should be scared of her visitor, yet she didn't seem to be able to. The girl had no weapons on her, she was calm and moved slowly. There were no signs telling Azula that she wanted to attack her.

She stopped about three steps from Azula and froze for a moment. Her smile almost melted from her face. Azula couldn't understand it – did she look that bad? What could have been the problem?

But at the same time, Azula used this moment to study the girl further more, in case she really had come to hurt her. The brunette girl was wearing a dress of expensive silk in the light hues of blue and lilac; there was even a dragon embroidered on the lower half of the dress. As Azula's gaze turned on the dragon she was sure she saw it move. She would have sworn it growled at her. She blinked, and the dragon froze again. She moved her gaze upwards: the upper part of the dress was tight, too tight to allow moving freely enough to fight. It calmed Azula a little, so she decided that the girl meant no harm.

The visitor was wearing only one thing that wasn't matching her dress: a red silk ribbon hugging her neck, from which hung a heavy golden pendant.

The moment of stillness was over, and the girl moved again.

"Hi!" She said quietly, almost whispering, raising her hand in a careful greeting. Azula looked into her eyes, but didn't react in any other way. "Would it be okay if I sat next to you? Don't be afraid, I don't want to hurt you. I want to help."

Azula didn't know why she was telling her this – like she expected her to be afraid of her. But did Azula have a reason to? She had long ago decided that the girl was no threat to her. There was something in the furthest corner of her mind, telling her that something wasn't quite right, but she couldn't grab it yet.

Azula gently nodded and opened her arms, signaling that she was welcomed to sit next to her. The girl sat down on the blanket with ease and sighed. Azula relaxed a little.

But those blue eyes…

Neither of them said a word. The girl didn't know how to start, she might have even been a little bit afraid, and Azula had long ago forgotten how to act around a new face, and only remembered distinctly of what she should do. In the end, the visitor was to one to break the silence.

"So… are they treating you well here?" She said, her tone honest and nice. Azula waited a few moments before answering.

"Yeah… the people here, they are good. They aren't hurting me." Her gaze wandered to her arm, which wasn't covered with bandages anymore, so the criss-crossing, deep, half-healed cuts on it could be seen. She covered them with the blanket, ashamed. "It wasn't them." She assured the girl. "I did them. I think. I can't remember clearly."

Her visitor wasn't taken aback by her scars, only placed her hand atop Azula's.

"I know. Don't worry, I know everything. I have read what your doctor…" She stopped for a moment, like she had caught herself saying something she shouldn't have. "I have read the letters your doctor sent your brother."

Azula's eyes widened.

"You know my brother?"

Now it was the girl's turn to be surprised.

"Yes, we… I mean… Don't you… Don't you remember who I am?" She stuttered, her words uncertain. Azula only shook her head. The girl was familiar, yes, but she didn't know from where. The visitor sighed, and Azula could have sworn that she had seen pity in her eyes. "My name is Katara."

Katara, Katara, Katara… what a strange name. She was almost sure she had heard it before… She could almost hear Zuko shout it. A lightening flashed in the background. She felt like it had really happened.

"Do you know my brother?" She echoed her earlier question. The girl nodded.

"Yes, I… we are really close." she said and reached up with her right hand, caressing the pedant hanging from her neck. Azula noted the little movement.

"What it is?" Azula felt bold and pointed at the necklace, her finger only an inch or two from Katara's hand. Katara didn't respond for a moment or two, like she couldn't decide how much of the truth she should tell.

"I got it from him." She said and reaching behind her neck she unclasped the necklace. She dropped it in Azula's open palm.

The ribbon was soft and silky, the pedant warm from Katara's skin. The gold shimmered in the sunlight, emphasizing every little wave and spiral imprinted into the material.

"It's nice. Really beautiful." She said, handing back the necklace to Katara.

"I know." There was an all-knowing smile on Katara's face. "It's a special necklace. At least it has a special meaning where I am from."

"Where are you from?" Azula was not afraid anymore. The girl intrigued her. She couldn't even recall the last time she had talked with somebody so freely, so at ease.

"From the Southern Water Tribe." She answered.

The Southern Water Tribe… It triggered something in Azula's memory. Cold. Ice. Small igloos. Blood on the snow.

"That's very far from here." Azula raised her head, trying to look out of the window. She wondered if the sky is also so blue above the South Pole. "I have never met somebody from there."

"You have." Hearing her voice Azula turned to Katara. "You have met someone from the Southern Water Tribe. You have met me, my brother, even my father. Can't you remember?"

Was she supposed to? They had never met before, she was sure. Or had they? She hid her face in her palms.

"I don't remember, I don't know, we have never met!" She tried to sort through her memories and remember, but it only made her head pound painfully. "No, no, no!"

Somebody hugged her shoulders, and a soft, warm body pressed to her body. She whispered into her ear.

"Hush, hush, it's alright, it's alright, don't worry. Everything is going to be okay. I'll help you. Just let me."

Azula relaxed a little.

"Help me? Could you?" A little sliver of hope shimmered in front of her. Katara nodded again, moving a little further back.

"I hope so."

"How?"

"I am a waterbender." Azula just watched her, clueless. She had no idea what it meant. She had never met a waterbender before. Her puzzlement didn't bother Katara. "Here, I'll show you."

With that, she reached to her side, where there was a little waterskin hidden. Azula hadn't seen it before. Katara opened the waterskin and tilted it a little, so the water started slowly flowing out of it. But the it didn't reach the floor, but hovered in midair, then, responding to a small flick of Katara's wrist, it moved, and covered her hand.

Katara again moved closer to her on the bed. She looked at Azula with thousands of questions in her eyes, but she only got adoration, hope and fear in response.

"May I?" at first, Azula almost didn't even hear the question. Then she leaned closer to Katara to, listening, waiting.

Katara moved slowly. She placed her hands – both of them were covered in water by then – on Azula's temple.

Everything changed in a blink of an eye. The water started glowing, and Azula felt such peace, kindness and care like she hadn't felt in months.

Like she had felt never before.

_Highly respected Fire Lord Zuko,_

_I do nott even know how to express my infinite gratitude for your Majesty's intercession and Lady Katara's help. The healing by waterbending was the miracle we had been waiting for. Since the visit of your Majesty's fiancée the princess' mind has been completely clear. She understands her state and position, her raging fits has ceased entirely, and she communicates remarkably well. She knows about and understands the happenings of the last few months, and she voices her opinion about them. For the first time since she has been here she is showings signs of wanting to get better, and takes active part in our therapy sessions._

_But I do not want to be too happy too soon. Princess Azula is still quite unstable emotionally, and unable to get used to bigger changes in her surroundings and alternations in her daily schedule. She is often scared of new things and faces. It also took several days to convince her to take a walk in the garden._

_But at the same time I would like to consider the rapid improvement in her state as a good sign, and I hope that the princess will be well enough to leave the institute in a few short months. _

_Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant_

_Doctor Xia_

_101 after Sozin's Comet, fourteenth day of the sixth month_

Azula didn't know where to look – not into the Sun, that's for sure.

It had been months – or was it a whole year even? – since she had been outside, but now she was there, on the porch framing the inner garden of the institute, half-hidden by the shadows of the lush green bushes, sitting at the small table with Doctor Xia. It was late morning, and the sunshine and the humidity weren't that painful yet, but it was rather hot already, so much that even the gentle wind caressing her skin couldn't cool her.

In the end, she fixed her gaze on the table in front of her. It was a low, pretty wooden table, set for a nice breakfast, with neatly cut fruits on small plates and sweet tea in beautiful, delicate china cups. There were no chopsticks; she had tried using them the other day, but she failed miserably. They always slipped from between her fingers and she couldn't hold the food with them. It had been such a long time she had used them that she had completely forgotten how. So, for now, she was stuck with eating with her finger. With time, she would re-learn how to use chopsticks – nicely, slowly.

"May we start, your Highness?" She heard the doctor's kind, wise voice from the other side of the table. Azula turned her gaze on him.

Doctor Xia was an ageing man, with silver hair and beard, gentle smile on his face and a web of wrinkles around his eyes. He had already set down his chopsticks and held a brush in his hand, the ink set next to his empty plate.

Azula placed a cherry into her mouth, chewed it, put the pit in a small bowl, swallowed, and nodded only afterwards.

"Yes. But don't call me 'your Highness'. I am no-one's Highness." She paused for a moment, then added "I don't want to be."

The doctor only smiled.

"All right, dear, if you wish. Well, then let's start with something simple: what's your name?" This really was simple, but Azula presumed that she wouldn't have found it so simple a few months ago.

"Azula. But I don't want to be called this." She shook her head.

"Why? Would you elaborate?"

"Azula – Azulon. I am not he. He was bad, right? He hurt many. I don't want to be like him."

"That's a very honorable thought of you." The doctor nodded. She had really improved a lot in the last few weeks.

"What do you think, if I asked him, would Zuko give me a new name?" She asked, with a flicker of hope in her tone.

"Why would you ask him? Why not your father?" It was a painful question, but it had to be asked. Azula didn't answer immediately.

"My father is just like Azulon. No, he is worse. My father would have killed his own child. My father is a bad man. He is in prison. If I was given a new name by him, it would only be dirtier." She avoided the doctor's gaze while speaking.

"What an interesting point you have here. Now, since you mentioned him, would you please tell me who this Zuko is?"

"He is my brother. Elder brother. He sent me here. He wants to help me. Right?" She questioned herself.

"Of course. Go on."

"He is the Fire Lord. He is a good ruler, isn't he?" The question was filled with hope.

"That's true." Doctor Xia nodded. "The best who has been on the throne of the Fire Nation in the last century or so, if I may say so. But don't you stop, go on, please. What do you feel for him?"

Azula again waited a few moments before answering.

"I love him, at least I think so. But he doesn't love me. But I understand. I was cruel to him. Bad. I hurt him. I wish I could make it right."

"You will have chance to do so, don't you worry. Now, everything depends on you."

Azula sighed.

"Great. I want him so much to forgive me…"

"That's understandable. Now, what else can you tell me about him?" Doctor Xia continued. Azula needed more time to collect her thoughts this time.

"He is getting married. He is going to marry the girl who visited and helped me. Katara, right?"

"Exactly." The doctor wrote down something on the paper in front of him.

"She is a nice girl. I like her. They are going to be good for each other." Another note. "When is the wedding?"

"It is still two months away."

Azula lifted her cup, but it didn't drink, only watched the amber liquid move inside it.

"May I go to the wedding?" She asked almost shyly, then hastily added: "I wouldn't stay for the reception. I just want to be there for the ceremony. I wouldn't even mingle with the guests. I would… I would just hide somewhere on the sides. I just want to see them. I am sure Katara is going to make a beautiful bride…"

"We will see. I can't promise you anything." Said Doctor Xia, like he was sorry to say that, like he wanted to tell her that she could go. "And please tell me, what would you like to do when you leave the institute?" He altered the flow of the conversation expertly.

Azula set her cup back on the table. She didn't even take a sip. What would have she liked to do when she left? Was she going to leave at all? Did she want to leave at all? She didn't know.

She looked around. She could almost see the whole garden from where she sat. It was beautiful – the turf, the trees and the bushes were watered with care, so they didn't wither in the heat. Along the porch there were narrow flowerbeds, with colorful flowers planted in them. There was even a fountain in the middle of the garden. It really was a beautiful and tranquil place. She couldn't even compare it to anything.

No, she could.

"I want to go to Ember Island." She said finally, without turning her gaze on the doctor. "I want to leave there. It is such a peaceful place, don't you think? Of course, it is full of tourists. But I don't care. They don't bother me." She turned to Doctor Xia at last. "What do you think, if I asked him, would my brother buy me a house there? Not a big one, really. Just a small cabin, on the seaside. Would he let me live there?"

"I can't answer in your brother's stead." Doctor Xia shook his head, but there was a small smile on his face. "Why don't you ask him?"

"Ask him? Could I?" Azula's eyes shone with excitement. "Do you mean that he is going to visit me?"

"I am completely sure that the Fire Lord is going to grace us with his presence soon." A gentle smile appeared on Azula's face, one not unlike the doctor's. Doctor Xia didn't even remember seeing her have such a nice, kind smile since he had known her. The change in her remarkable: the broken woman disappeared immediately, giving her place to a beautiful, young girl. "Of course, if you can't wait for him, you can write a letter to him."

"Really? May I..?" She couldn't believe her own ears.

"Of course. If you want me to, I will personally supervise the posting of your letter, and make sure that it reaches its destination as soon as possible. And, I am advising you, you should write to your friends as well. You haven't heard about them in a long time, have you?"

Ever since they had turned on her at the Boiling Rock, to be precise. And she had punished them, she remembered. It hurt to remember, but not as much as it hurt to be confused, not knowing who she was.

"Yes… Yes, I am going to write them. And I will ask for their forgiveness. For everything I have done to them. I hope they will forgive me."

"Excellent plans, my dear." The doctor wrote something down again, then set down his brush, roller up his paper and slipped it into the inner pocket of his robe. He cracked his fingers then rose slowly. "Well, I think this will be enough for today. Would you like to take a short walk in the garden before we part for the day?" He held out his arm for Azula to take and she nodded, standing up as well.

"Yes, I would like to. Thank you." She took the hand offered to her. Doctor Xia patted the back of her hand.

"My child, I don't think that you will stay with us for much longer. But don't be sad about it. Rejoice instead."

_Highly respected Fire Lord Zuko,_

_At last, I can inform you about an improvement like I have wanted for a really long time._

_The therapy is going perfectly – your sister communicates better and better everyday, accepts strangers easier, new things, new impacts don't scare her anymore. She is able to summarize the happenings of the past and understands the mistakes she has committed. She feels ashamed about what she had done to you and her friends, especially during the last months of the war, and wants to make up these wrongdoings. She has plans for her future, and her need of power has completely vanished. Also, she shows no signs of aggression or cruelty. She has even expressed her intentions of going to your wedding. _

_I have started the preparations for her reintegration into the society: I am enclosing Princess Azula's letter to your Majesty, as well as the copies of her letters written to Lady Mai and Lady Ty Lee._

_I consider this an enormous step ahead, since it means that the princess is able to take others into her private sphere again. To help her improve at this, I would like to lift the ban prohibiting people from visit the princess._

_Even though Princess Azula is not completely stable yet, and I am slightly worried about an eventual relapse, I hope that if her state improves at such speed, she will be able to leave the institution in mere weeks. _

_Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant_

_Docotr Xia_

_101 After Sozin's Comet, twenty-third day of the seventh month_

Azula's dream, even if not deep, was peaceful. Her bed was soft and inviting and the morning sun shone through the gaps between the curtains, gently warming her face. It was the first time in months when she wasn't haunted by nightmares. She didn't relive the Agni Kai with Zuko, nor Mai and Ty Lee's treason, she didn't see the disappointed face of her father, and neither projected her brain terrible, senseless picture to her.

She sighed, and burrowed her face deeper into her pillow.

Her bed slightly moved, the mattress moaning quietly – like someone had sat on it. Azula hardly felt this, and tried not to notice it. She slipped from sleep a little bit, but she didn't open her eyes. After nothing had happened, nothing had changed for minutes, she slowly drifted back into her careless dream.

Then she felt like a hand was rested on the top of her head – no, not a hand, it was more like a butterfly, since it was so weightless. For a fraction of a second the hand didn't move, then it started softly, lovingly caress Azula's short, battered hair.

The gentle touch slowly roused her. It was a very nice feeling. It slightly reminded her of the time when Katara visited her, and, putting her water-covered hands on her temple, she calmed her mind. The water was cool and soothing – almost as soothing as the hand which sometimes touched her temple, slipped to her cheek, then caressed the outline of her ear. Azula sighed contently, then slowly opened her eyes and looked up at her visitor.

It was a woman, a beautiful woman, though it was evident from her looks that the last few years weren't merciful on her. Her skin was more tanned than the employees of the institute, more tanned than Azula's own, like she had spent too much time in the sun, like those peasants she had met on the countryside during her travels. There were silver locks in her black hair, but her face was unwrinkled.

Azula immediately recognized her.

No, that was impossible.

She jumped from bed – almost knocking her visitor to the ground – and backed to the furthest corner of the room.

"Azula, love, you don't have to be afraid-" The woman started, but Azula didn't let her finish.

"No, shut up!" Her voice was like a lightening in the semi-darkness of the room. "You are not here, you can't be here, you are dead!" She said, rather to herself than to her visitor.

"I am not dead. I am here. I am sorry I didn't come sooner, but now I am here." Tthe woman neared her slowly, her hands raised in a peaceful gesture, like one would near an enraged animal.

"Stay where you are! Don't you dare to come closer!" Azula tried to press herself into the wall. "You aren't here, you don't exist, only in my head…" Her legs gave away and tears started flowing from her eyes. "I thought I have finally gotten rid of you. That I have been cured! The doctor… the doctor said that I could leave soon. That everything was alright."

"Azula, dear, I.."

"Stop! Don't talk to me! You aren't here, I don't hear you, you are only a hallucination, nothing more!"

In the meantime, the woman reached her. She didn't even saw her move. She kneeled down next to Azula, put one hand on her shoulder, the other under her chin, gently turning the girl's head towards herself.

"But I am here! Don't you feel me holding you? Azula…" She took Azula's hand, and tried to hug her, but then suddenly she moved – something snapped -, and the next thing Azula knew was that she was in the opposite corner of the room, and the woman was sitting on the floor, one of her cheeks angry red. But still, there was only gentleness in her eyes.

"Why do you have to ruin everything, mum?" Azula was yelling raging. "Always, always, always… It has always been Zuko, right? It has always been he who you loved. That's why you are haunting me, aren't you? Even on the day of my coronation… When I almost… and now, today! I am healed! Why are you here, why? You ruin everything! Get out of here! Get out! I hate you! I hate you! I hate…" The last sentence turned into sobbing. She hid her face in her palms, and collapsed on the floor.

This way she couldn't see the tears appearing in Ursa's eyes.

People came into the room. Two nurses stepped to her – she already knew them. One of them hold her hands behind her back, while the other put a cloth soaked in a smelly liquid on her face. She knew that, too – she knew that she would fell asleep because of it shortly.

With her last drop of strength she looked up, to the spot where Ursa had been sitting earlier, but she wasn't there anymore.

The hallucination had ended.

Maybe, she thought, maybe, if she didn't say a word about this incident to anyone, not even to Doctor Xia, no-one would know what she had seen. And then she could leave…

After all, nothing had happened.

While the two nurses tended to Azula, a third escorted Ursa out. The nurse was worried – was her Majesty alright? Wasn't she injured? Did she want him to get a doctor? Ursa only waved away his concerns. She had always been a strong woman, as she needed to be in the Royal Court, and the last few years had only made her stronger.

And she would have time to cry later, when she was alone.

In the end, the young man turned out to be way too stubborn to let himself be ignored, and wouldn't leave Ursa alone until she let him put some salve on her cheek. He only escorted her to the small drawing room where people were already waiting for her afterwards. Zuko was sitting on one of the sofas, resting his elbows on his knees, his face stubbornly fixed on the floorboards. Katara was sitting next to him, one hand on his shoulder, giving support and comfort. Ursa liked the girl. She knew that she would stand her ground amongst the machinations of the Court and would be make an excellent Fire Lady by the side of her son.

The third person in the room was Doctor Xia, who hurried to her to meet her at the doorway.

"Lady Ursa, you cannot even imagine how terribly sorry I am." He took her hands, and led her to the armchair opposite of Zuko's. Ursa let herself seated. "I would have never thought that your presence would cause such a reaction. I truly, honestly, believed that Princess Azula has been completely cured of her madness…" Doctor Xia's voice was almost trembling.

Ursa tried to find the right words. She couldn't say that everything was alright, because nothing was alright. Her daughter was mad, and it seemed like nobody could help her. They had tried everything.

Katara rose from the sofa and stepped to her side. Since she didn't have her waterskin on her, so she called the water from the small vase on the table to herself, and, covering her hand with it, she placed it on Ursa's cheek. The pain subsided immediately. Ursa was infinitely grateful for the gesture.

Doctor Xia also sat on one of the armchairs, but his movements lacked the confidence Ursa was used to.

"I don't know what else we could do for the princess…" It was the first time Ursa heard him sounding like an old man. "I have tried every treatment I know and trust. Even Lady Katara's efforts were fruitless."

"I don't think that we should give up just like this." Katara said, as she took her hand away from Ursa's face. "Yes, we expected to be able to bring home a healthy Azula today. Yes, she is worse now. But it's not the worst we have seen her."

Zuko raised his head, but didn't say a word. He waited for what else his fiancée had to say. Ursa always found delight in watching the two of them, how well they fit together, how well they understood each other.

"Also, I found your therapy quite successful, doctor," she continued. "And I can continue visiting and healing Azula as well."

Doctor Xia wanted to say something, and Ursa knew what he had to tell: there was only two weeks until the wedding, and after that the two of them was going to spend a couple weeks on Ember Island, and the doctor didn't dare to ask them to postpone it. Katara only flicked her hand, not letting him say a word.

"I will do everything to help Azula to get better. It is very important for me. But I am sure that it is important for all of us. We can't give up the hope. Especially not now, when we are so close to victory." She grabbed Ursa's hand, and, looking into her eyes, she said: "Don't be so sad, Lady Ursa! Azula will be at home in a few short weeks, I am sure!"

Ursa wanted to believe her with all her heart, but found it hard to do so. She saw what she saw, and she, unlike Katara, knew Azula from the day she was born. She had always known that there would be some problem with her. Now, that this problem had occurred, Ursa was afraid that there would be no-one to help her little girl.

Yet she stood Katara's gaze, forced a small smile on her lips and kept gently nodding as Doctor Xia and her future daughter-in-law started to discuss what else could they do for Azula. She didn't understand a word of it.

Some time during the conversation Zuko stood, stepped beside her and placed his hand on her shoulder. When their eyes met Ursa felt that all those years spent apart didn't matter a bit, since she still could read every one of his thoughts in his eyes, just like then: Zuko doubted that there would be any hope for Azula, but, like always, he was reluctant to give up the fight. Instead he stood by his mother, supporting her. After all, those times were far behind them when she had to be the strongest, defending her loved ones.

She reached out and squeezed his hand just to remind him that he didn't have to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders alone.

Their situation wasn't easy, the hope for them was slight, but at least they were there for each other.

* * *

><p><strong>AN. Finally, it's finished :) I have had quite a work with this piece. I hope it worth it and you enjoyed it :) Until next time**

**Orlissa**


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